What Happens in the Garage, Stays in the Garage

“Mrs. Beckerman?”


“Mrs. Beckerman, This is the Garage Door Police. We understand there was an altercation today between you and your electric garage door.”

“An altercation?  I’m not sure what you mean, Officer.”

“Mrs. Beckerman, did you or did you not ram your car into your electric garage door?”

“Um… how do define ‘ram?’”

“Ma’am. When you were backing out of your garage, did you hit the garage door with your car?”

“I may have done that.”

“And in doing so, did you knock the garage door off its track so now it will neither go up or down?”

“I might have done that, as well. But in my defense, the garage door started it.”

“How so?”

“Well, when I went to leave in the morning, I pushed the button to open the garage door, like I always do. But for some reason the door only went up two thirds of the way and then stopped.  I didn’t realize this had happened, so when I backed out, blammo.”

“Blammo, Ma’am?”

“Yes, blammo, Officer.”

“Mrs. Beckerman, this is not the first time you have had an incident with an appliance in your garage, is that correct?”

“Are you referring to the second refrigerator we keep in the garage, officer?”

“I am.”

“It wasn’t my fault.”

“How do you figure?”

“It jumped out in front of my car.”


“Yes, it had a death wish. It was on its last coils and wanted to be put out of its misery.  It was a mercy killing, really.”

“And how about the incident involving the side view mirror on your car?”

“You mean the side view mirror that I allegedly knocked off the car backing out of the garage?”


“Never happened.”

“… And the bicycle you ran over?”

“It rolled in front of my car.”

“On it’s own?”

“Yes. It was a magic bicycle.”

“Mrs. Beckerman, based on your garage history, I am going to have to write you a ticket for reckless garage endangerment.  Do you have any questions?’

“Just one. Is your car parked behind me?”


“I’d move it if I were you.”

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Chuck Briese, Oak Ridge Now

[avatar user="cbriese" size="thumbnail" align="left"] Chuck Briese has been a resident of South Montgomery County since 1988. He and his lovely and patient wife, Leslie, have six sons, with only one left to finish high school. Chuck has been a Cub Scout leader, a Little League baseball coach, a church youth leader, and a general troublemaker over the course of the past 25 years. He is obsessed with his lawn, and likes restaurants that serve food that fills up the plate. He has a tendency to tilt at windmills, which may explain why he started Oak Ridge Now.

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