Robin’s Chicks: Putting Baby Jesus in Timeout

Photo courtesy of Squiggle

A few weeks ago I wrote about all the things I’ve heard myself say to my kids that I never anticipated coming out of my mouth. I joked about telling my kids not to jump on the trampoline topless, then while drinking my coffee one morning before school I saw something out of the corner of my eye. It was Sadie, my three-year-old, jumping on the trampoline in nothing but her brand new purple tennis shoes as half of Greenwood drove by on their way to take their kids to school.

Things haven’t improved in that arena— the crazy things I say to my kids that is— the nekkid trampoline jumping was thankfully curbed by a recent drop in temperatures.

I picked my kids up from school a few weeks ago and drove by the drug store to pick up a prescription. As we waited in line the girls unbuckled their seat belts and wiggled around in the car. It was fine, until their giggling turned to shrieking and I found myself screaming, “IF EVERYONE COULD JUST SIT ON THEIR OWN BUTT ON THEIR OWN SEAT!!” right as the window slid open and the pharmacy tech asked if she could help me. The look in her eyes said she knew the answer to that question— I was beyond all help but she was wrong, I was picking up my anti-anxiety meds so she may have saved three little lives.

This week, in lieu of nekkid trampoline jumping, Sadie spent a lot of time playing with her “Little People.” I had a Little People dollhouse as a child and Sadie loves to get her own dollhouse and all of her little figurines and pretend. Her productions can be quite horrifying or hilarious, depending on how you look at things. She had found some figurines from her Little People Nativity Set, so as she played Joseph and Mary interacted with a generic Dad figurine with a cellphone literally glued to his hand and the Baby Jesus had a play date with the Little People baby.

I was cooking dinner and listening as Sadie played at the kitchen table. Apparently the grownup Little People were eating dinner— Mom, Dad, Mary, Joseph and one stray Wise Man and the babies were left to play together. I don’t know what happened but a fight broke out between the babies and things got heated.

Baby: You are a baby!

Baby Jesus: Uh-uh! You are! You are the baby!

Baby: No I’m not! You are the baby— you STUPID!

Baby Jesus: You poo-poo head!

Me: HEY!

I rapped my wooden spoon on the kitchen counter, “We don’t talk like that.”

Sadie shrugged and held up her babies, “Dey said it Momma. Not me.”

“I’m pretty sure Baby Jesus never called anyone a poo-poo head.”

She raised her eyebrows, “Want me to put him in timeout?”

Sadie put Baby Jesus in timeout for saying poo-poo head, as I finished dinner and wondered if I should send her out to the trampoline.

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Chuck Briese, Oak Ridge Now

[avatar user="cbriese" size="thumbnail" align="left"] Chuck Briese has been a resident of South Montgomery County since 1988. He and his lovely and patient wife, Leslie, have six sons, with only one left to finish high school. Chuck has been a Cub Scout leader, a Little League baseball coach, a church youth leader, and a general troublemaker over the course of the past 25 years. He is obsessed with his lawn, and likes restaurants that serve food that fills up the plate. He has a tendency to tilt at windmills, which may explain why he started Oak Ridge Now.

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