Machete Kills: The Mexican Avenger Returns

machete-killsThis fearless exercise in rampaging out-of-control excess may exceed your gaudiest expectations. Having developed his stone-faced federale from a goofy “Grindhouse” trailer into a 2010 feature, trash-o-matic director Robert Rodriguez now leads him into James Bond territory, complete with a smirking master criminal — played by Mel Gibson! — who’s intent on earth-shaking devastation.

The plot — like it matters — has Machete (Danny Trejo) being assigned by the president of the United States (Charlie Sheen!) to go down to Mexico and bring back a terrorist named Mendez (played with giddy flair by Demian Bichir), who has threatened to lob a missile into the White House. Mendez turns out to be a misunderstood guy with a split personality and a mechanical heart. There’s also Miss San Antonio (Amber Heard), a beauty pageant addict with a roomful of automatic weapons; a one-eyed spitfire, named Luz (Michelle Rodriguez, returning in the role); and a face-shifting assassin, called the Chameleon, who’s played at various points by Cuba Gooding Jr., Antonio Banderas and Lady Gaga in an orange wig. (She’s not bad, haters.)

The movie has some pretty great stunts (especially the one with the boat and the helicopter), a ton of ultra-bloody violence (Machete slices a bad guy in half — lengthwise — with his namesake weapon) and, of course, wall-to-wall cleavage. It’s all as over-the-top as anybody could hope, only more so.

What next for the Mexican avenger? A “preview” right at the top of the movie gives away the next installment of the series: “Machete Kills Again … in Space!”

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Chuck Briese, Oak Ridge Now

[avatar user="cbriese" size="thumbnail" align="left"] Chuck Briese has been a resident of South Montgomery County since 1988. He and his lovely and patient wife, Leslie, have six sons, with only one left to finish high school. Chuck has been a Cub Scout leader, a Little League baseball coach, a church youth leader, and a general troublemaker over the course of the past 25 years. He is obsessed with his lawn, and likes restaurants that serve food that fills up the plate. He has a tendency to tilt at windmills, which may explain why he started Oak Ridge Now.

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