Bill O’Reilly: Merry Christmas, 1913

Photo of this Furby Boom courtesy of Hope Farm Soho / Flickr

Photo of this Furby Boom courtesy of Hope Farm Soho / Flickr

One hundred years ago in America, Christmas was a mighty different situation. Based on newspaper reports, MyHeritage.com recently put together a list of the most-asked-for gifts by children who lived back then. Here are the top five requests:

—Candy.

—Nuts.

—Rocking Horse.

—Doll.

—Mittens.

It’s a modest list, to say the least, but reflective of a time that was far less complicated than society is today. Now, kids rule in many homes. And Santa is under siege.

This year, the top five kid-wants according to retailers are:

Furby Boom.

—Teksta Robotic Puppy.

—LeapPad Ultra.

—Flutterbye Flying Fairy.

—Big Hugs Elmo.

Let’s begin with Furby. This is a robot toy that resembles an owl. The “all new” Furby has a mind of his own and can interact with the tykes. Let’s hope Furby isn’t a member of the Hells Angels.

The Teksta puppy is allegedly just like a real dog except there is no bathroom component. Teksta will dance and respond to your hand gestures — not including the middle finger. The puppy can even perform back flips that will amuse and amaze. I guess.

The LeapPad Ultra is yet another high-tech gizmo that will hypnotize your child. It’s a tablet that kids can write on, as well as summon apps, videos and games. If your child isn’t an Internet zombie by now, he or she will be once the LeapPad gets inside the house.

The Flutterbye Flying Fairy is marketed toward little girls and, according to the manufacturer, puts “enchanting” fairy flights directly in the hands of the child. There’s never been a more magical experience, says the toymaker. Obviously, they’ve never been to a Metallica concert.

And finally, the Big Hugs Elmo toy moves his arms to return hugs, plays songs, dances with your children and might even kick in toward their college education. Elmo is for both girls and boys and is capable of making more than 50 animated sounds. If that sounds like your Uncle Vinny, it’s a coincidence.

The cost of these toys is substantial, and you’d better have an engineering degree if something goes wrong. The high-tech dog is especially interesting, conjuring up all kinds of horror movie possibilities. Don’t tell me the toys don’t have chips in them that can be activated by some crazy scientist in Bavaria. No way this thing is getting inside my house. I already have a dog named Fiona who would attack the bogus dog on sight.

For my money, I think toys are too complicated these days. I like the rocking horse and toy train scenario. But if I gave those things to my kids, their response would be somewhere between the Bay of Pigs and Woodstock — a lot of angst and chaos.

Luckily, Santa Claus has adapted, and his new high-tech sleigh and reindeer have him finishing his rounds in Guam long before dawn. But don’t mention the Flying Fairy to old St. Nick. He’s not into competition.

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Chuck Briese, Oak Ridge Now

[avatar user="cbriese" size="thumbnail" align="left"] Chuck Briese has been a resident of South Montgomery County since 1988. He and his lovely and patient wife, Leslie, have six sons, with only one left to finish high school. Chuck has been a Cub Scout leader, a Little League baseball coach, a church youth leader, and a general troublemaker over the course of the past 25 years. He is obsessed with his lawn, and likes restaurants that serve food that fills up the plate. He has a tendency to tilt at windmills, which may explain why he started Oak Ridge Now.

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