Did you ever wonder why golf is the biggest participation sport in the United States, if not the world?
That just doesn’t make any sense at all.
Golf is the most frustrating sport of all time, and more people pay huge dollars to play it than any other game.
And it’s not like most other games where the more you play, the better and more consistent you get. In golf, you can pay for lessons and practice the game for years and still wind up making the same mistakes you made on your first round.
Golf is one huge tease of a game.
They should rename the game Kim Johnson. Kim was the biggest tease in junior high. She walked around like she was the second coming of Raquel Welch, and wouldn’t give any guy the time of day. Kim was just too good for us alleged pre-pubescent nobodies.
Every now and then, you’d get a smile out of her and that kept you coming back for more. And just possibly that one chance in a million she’d take you up on your invitation to the cloakroom in back of the stage in the auditorium.
That explanation of life compared to golf is no different than slicing your first drive out of bounds. You tee it up again and hook this one onto the wrong fairway.
Then, you attempt to power the ball over the trees back into the correct fairway, eat too much grass and the ball mostly rolls about 20-yards. You take your putter and putt the ball into the first hole fairway.
You’re still 300-yards out, hitting your sixth shot. With nothing to lose, you take out your 3-wood and hit a picture perfect shot 290-yards straight as an arrow and have 10-yards left for your snowman.
Now you feel like a pro. Your playing partners are patting you on the back assuring you that you really can “play some stick” when you put your mind to it. You continue playing, dreaming that one day, you will hit 72 perfect shots in one round.
Then you wake up!
Face it. Golf is just one huge Kim Johnson…. I mean tease.
How ridiculous is this game?
What other sport can make you insane, yet you still keep coming back for more?
Marriage is not a sport and does not count.
Golf is the single most masochistic sporting activity anyone could ever put themselves through. I guess tennis could come close. However, in tennis, you’re actually running around exerting tons of energy and by the time you miss the easy overhead smash, you’re too tired to throw your racquet.
That’s another thing. What are we getting out of golf by hitting one good shot in 12?
It’s definitely not an activity where no matter how bad you are, you get in shape so some good comes of your frustration. That can’t be it, because nowadays, everybody is riding in golf carts. All you have to do is jump out, hit your shot, scream, kick the tires, jump back in the cart and do a 12 oz. curl. Depending on your game and the shot, maybe several.
Besides the tease philosophy, I can only think of one other reason we go to the golf course. The sodium pentathol philosophy.
Back in the day, SP was used as a truth serum. Golf is like truth serum. If you really want to know what a person is like, go golfing with them and you’ll find out real quick.
Example: I grew up with a guy named Mike Orsini. This is the last person in the world that needs to be playing golf. Too high strung and in dire need of several valiums every day.
Mike tees off and the ball goes in the drink. His next shot goes in the woods beyond the white marker, out of bounds. He drops and hits his next shot behind a tree.
From a distance, we see that Mike has miraculously hit a shot through the oak tree and is now three-feet from the hole. He picks up and declares “in the leather” as the ball was presumably closer to the hole than his putters handle is to the club head.
Now the hole is finished and everyone is reciting their score to the scorekeeper. I got a five. I got a six. I got a four. Mike’s turn, “I got a five.”
Yeah! Right! Sure pal, in Haiti!
Mike’s a great guy. But, if he ever gets in the investment business, and I get two nickles to rub together, he’s the last guy I’m using.
On the other end of the spectrum, you have the cool, calm collected Kevin Hutchins whom I played lacrosse with and against for years.
I’ve played golf with hundreds of people in my life. Kevin has the distinction of being the worst golfer I have ever seen. Including me.
On one very narrow course we were playing in Austin some years back, he hit no less than 12 consecutive balls out of bounds. It was all us three playing partners could do not to break out into hysterics. It was painful to watch.
After around his 12th blunder, he looked ay me and calmly said, “What’s up with this game?”
Anybody else would have broken all his clubs over his knee by now. After a couple more hole like the first, Kevin finally lost it and threw his clubs farther than he’d been hitting the ball.
That explains Kevin. He keeps everything bottled up inside and explodes when the bottle is full.
I haven’t seen Kevin in a while. I hope he’s learned to say a few choice words every hole to break up the madness like the rest of us do.
Seeing as I’m taking shots at everyone else, I better let myself have it a little.
My best round ever was an 81 at the old Tennwood short course. It has a different name now. I can average about 90 without cheating. There is absolutely no consistency in my game at all.
I could start a round with three pars and a lucky birdie……start feeling that I could actually break 80, finally. Then, I hit an errant shot and take a snowman.
I play well for the next few holes. Then, totally lose it and end up with a 94 or something.
That is exactly how I am in life. I’m either up, or I am down. My life is great. Or, it’s in shambles.
I guess my golf game is like my life, erratically average.